like a lightbulb in a dark room
Grindstone Grindstone Grindstone

Holy cow this week is FLYING by!
I know its Tuesday.
But Friday I drive down to the park & meet everyone crewing with me for Jordan’s ultra marathon!

PLUS I GET TO SEE AN ULTRAMARATHON THIS WEEKEND.

100miles, an elevation change the size of everest, and a under 24hour goal.
Holy shit. I’m totally the newbie who is way overexcited, but I don’t care!!!
Also I’m literally being brought along to learn how to crew (because Steve plans to run ultras again once healed) & to take pictures. I’m basically useless otherwise as I can’t keep up with Jordan on mile 99.5 and I have no decent navigation skills for driving to aid stations..

SO EXCITED!

letskeepthisasecret-babe:

how do people go multiple days without washing their hair? 

like mine is gross after just a day. 

I’m currently on day 3. I will wash it today cause my workout was tough & I have team tonight. Have gone a full a week +a few days. I would get it wet to style it but not actually wash it.. 

Transition setup
It looks a mess but I got everything I needed. I didn’t wear my jersey for the swim so I had it in T1.
The lemon is a pin from Steve, helping me identify where my bike is & reminding me I can do it.
When I went to his 70.3 in Texas I made a big sign that had a lemon on it & said ‘needs more lemon’ because it became our catch phrase for everything. It meant needs more ‘suck’ or ‘pain’ or ‘action’. I was going to put an actual lemon in transition, but decided the pin would be best.
I’m so glad I did this race. 
Grindstone is this weekend and despite the warnings from Steve on how much it will suck being cold, sleepless, and hungry, I am excited.

Transition setup
It looks a mess but I got everything I needed. I didn’t wear my jersey for the swim so I had it in T1.
The lemon is a pin from Steve, helping me identify where my bike is & reminding me I can do it.
When I went to his 70.3 in Texas I made a big sign that had a lemon on it & said ‘needs more lemon’ because it became our catch phrase for everything. It meant needs more ‘suck’ or ‘pain’ or ‘action’. I was going to put an actual lemon in transition, but decided the pin would be best.
I’m so glad I did this race.
Grindstone is this weekend and despite the warnings from Steve on how much it will suck being cold, sleepless, and hungry, I am excited.

Oh! Did I tell you my chair came in last week? I’ve been super excited about finally having a desk chair. I still do most of my homework on the floor but its a start.

Oh! Did I tell you my chair came in last week? I’ve been super excited about finally having a desk chair. I still do most of my homework on the floor but its a start.

My post race selfie. 
I’ve been getting a lot of compliments on my braid recently and I got 3 during the race. Long hair is apparently not a thing with triathletes. I will change this.
Plus it makes me look like a shark in my swimcap :P

My post race selfie.
I’ve been getting a lot of compliments on my braid recently and I got 3 during the race. Long hair is apparently not a thing with triathletes. I will change this.
Plus it makes me look like a shark in my swimcap :P

One More Dad Rant

Dad sometimes states that he dislikes some aspects of how Steve treats me.

Dad says Steve dose not take the time or go out of his way enough for me. 

Funny, that the man would see this in his daughters boyfriend, but not in himself. I guess we really do dislike the negative parts of ourselves we see in others. 

Funny that I would be attracted to someone who treats me exactly how I have watched my father treat women for 24 years. Funny that I would be attracted to a man who treats me as my father has treated me for all of my adult life.   

To all the Dads out there, pay attention. How you treat the women in your life really will have an effect on your children. We really do date our parents. 

Just to be clear though, my relationship with Steve is still healthier than my fathers relationship with either of his previous wives ever was. Steve, unlike my father, actually listens & attempts to fix problems rather than put the blame back on me. But yes, we both have our faults. We work on that, or we accept them. Either way,he has been squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube for 2 years now & I really appreciate that.

Fuck Mondays

Today has been awful. Crying for two hours this morning. Fights with Dad. 

Dad ‘Understands & Validates my feelings’. I’m glad your in therapy, but repeating that over and over isn’t actually doing the thing, & now those words just piss me off when you say them. I’m glad you are progressing, in 10 years maybe we can have a conversation that isn’t automatically my fault. 

I cant control him, I can only control my reactions to him. God the hurtful things I want to say to him.

I’m thinking it might be time to speak to a therapist again. I cant let this get to the point where I say the things I’m thinking when he talks to me this way.

I literally told him I didn’t want him at my race last week because he never supported me in anything else I have done, so why change now? I apologized later the same day & said it was up to him to come or not, but he didn’t come & I know he was hurt. 

This fixing a relationship that started crumbling 12 years ago thing is really hard. Maybe I need help. 

I cant control him, only my reaction to him. 

They are giving medals at sprints now..
Its my first tri so I won’t complain.

They are giving medals at sprints now..
Its my first tri so I won’t complain.

Swim:00:16:58 T1: 00:04:51 Bike: 01:01:39 T2: 00:02:57 Run: 00:40:48 Overall Time: 02:07:12 place: 217/270 women Next time I want it under 01:35:00

Totally doable when I shave off T times & train. I could have done it before my hip injury I think. At least under two hours. 

This is the only picture Steve got of me. 
It took a kayaker pointing me back to land but the swim was not the nightmare I imagined.
The bike was dreadful, my HR monitor shifted & wasn’t giving any info, so I couldn’t keep track of where I was on the ‘about to have an asthma attack’ scale. Made the hilly course really difficult for me. I fixed it in T2 and realized my glasses had been with me the whole time in my jersey (I was sure I had lost them). I then headed out on the run & kept a nice pace till I reached the one GIANT but fairly short hill on the course. I had to walk it & use my inhaler. But after that first 1/4 mile I was cruising and felt good again. 
I sprinted the finish, giving myself a good hard time breathing while they took my chip. Then I gathered my things, gave away my pizza ticket to some kids, sat in the lake and then left. 
I feel good. I might go run again, I think I could have run faster in the race & I let my heart rate do the bossing instead of me. But I finished, I got to use my wetsuit properly, and I did something I’d never done before.
Overall good race.

This is the only picture Steve got of me.
It took a kayaker pointing me back to land but the swim was not the nightmare I imagined.
The bike was dreadful, my HR monitor shifted & wasn’t giving any info, so I couldn’t keep track of where I was on the ‘about to have an asthma attack’ scale. Made the hilly course really difficult for me. I fixed it in T2 and realized my glasses had been with me the whole time in my jersey (I was sure I had lost them). I then headed out on the run & kept a nice pace till I reached the one GIANT but fairly short hill on the course. I had to walk it & use my inhaler. But after that first 1/4 mile I was cruising and felt good again.
I sprinted the finish, giving myself a good hard time breathing while they took my chip. Then I gathered my things, gave away my pizza ticket to some kids, sat in the lake and then left.
I feel good. I might go run again, I think I could have run faster in the race & I let my heart rate do the bossing instead of me. But I finished, I got to use my wetsuit properly, and I did something I’d never done before.
Overall good race.

Packing for tri is kinda like packing for the end of the world. I think this every time I pack for Steve, now I get to pack for myself! Its my turn!

Packing for tri is kinda like packing for the end of the world. I think this every time I pack for Steve, now I get to pack for myself! Its my turn!

Bombed it

56/100

Worst part is I felt good during the test.

Meeting with the professor next week to see if there is anything I can do to pass the class acceptably at this point.

so anxious about my exam tomorrow

that I cannot sleep, eat, or focus.

fuck these 2 particular classes I really dislike.

My Humor is not always.. clean

My coworker made deer jerky & brought it in for everyone.

He cut it REALLY thick & we were all talking about how it tasted great but was really hard to eat (He has no good knives).

He stated it was a jaw workout & my other coworker asked what on earth you wanted to work out your jaw for & I just casually said what EVERYONE WAS THINKING. “Suckin Dick.”

Break out the unstoppable laughter & following discussion on how you shouldn’t be closing your mouth or chewing during oral. 

Climbing gyms are great.